How To Be A Reverse-Racist: An Actual Step by Step List For Oppressing White People
White people who are confronted with their white privilege and the white supremacist acts they perpetuate have been known to cry, “You’re being a reverse-racist!” That is completely true: people of color have the power and control to create, perpetuate, and maintain brutal systematic reverse-racism that oppresses white people every day. As such, we have created this handy list on how to continue this oppression.
1. Enslave their bodies.
Ship them from Germany, Sweden, and other exotic countries. Force them to build entire cities, roads, bridges. Force them to plant and harvest all the food everyone eats. Let an entire economic system be built on their backs, with their blood and sweat. Later, deny them access to the system they have been used to build, and accuse them of being extremely lazy.
2. Steal their land.
If they were here before you, steal their land. This is essential. Basically, just go in there and take it. If you have to kill some of them to get it…no worries. If you have to kill almost all of them to get it…shit, no worries. After you steal their land, make sure you create laws to keep them from ever returning to it. If they try to return anyway, build fences, and let bands of POC vigilantes patrol the borders with guns. If they somehow get past the borders and into your country, no worries, you can always just deport them.
3. Enslave their minds.
From these systems, build a long lasting institution of reverse-racism until all the violence and microaggressions make many white people into suspicious people with a lot of internalized self-hatred, health problems, and mental illnesses. Then deny them access to adequate mental health care. Or, adequate health care of any kind, while you’re at it. ‘Cause, you know, fuck ‘em.
4. Wipe out and/or appropriate their customs.
Since many of their customs are savage and unworthy of preserving, wipe out their traditions of eating mashed potatoes and meatloaf, playing miniature golf, buying khakis at Banana Republic, and sleeping with thousand-count Egyptian cotton sheets. For the customs you think are kinda cool, culturally appropriate from them. Sometimes wear a beret and lederhosen, because Swedish culture is really exotic even though it’s inferior to ours.
5. Break their espresso machines.
With baseball bats or large hammers. Or, you know, just unplug them all.
6. Call them “cracker”.
As people of color, we have been rightfully accused of being racist to white people, especially when we call them “cracker”. As we all know, calling them “cracker” is egregiously offensive and horribly shocking because of this long, violent, reverse-racist history.
7. Just keep being terrible to them.
Do everything you can think of to make it so that white people make less money; their children are shot by cops; white women are at higher risk for assault and they are exotified until they no longer seem human; white men are beaten and thrown into jails because they look “suspicious” and “threatening”; they are racially profiled everywhere they go.
8. Make sure most representations of them in the media are negative.
They should almost always be portrayed as pasty, stringy-haired, rhythm-less, sexless, uptight, and booooring. Also, there should be very few representations of them and when they’re portrayed at all, they should always only be the comic relief, the silent exotic sex object, the Debbie Downer, or the incompetent sidekick. They are only allowed to be easily forgettable, one-dimensional characters. Sometimes use POC actors in white-face to portray these white people. By presenting this ONE image of them all the time, you will be able to convince the rest of the population that all white people are like this, thus ensuring a widespread belief in their inferiority.
9. Keep telling them how beautiful they are not.
White people know they will never be beautiful with their boring sour cream complexions and blonde hair (that was actually caused because of mutations). Plaster people of color on every magazine, show them in every television show and movie, and praise them as the most beautiful. When white people cry at these injustices, bottle their tears and sell them as health creams for people of color. Nothing like a soothing lotion made from the pain of white folks!
10. Go bananas!
Force them underground and away from the sun to become even whiter, while you laugh manically like the cruel, bloodthirsty, oppressive person of color you are! Take their thousand-count Egyptian cotton sheets to make POC-supremacist flags and hoods and march through the streets, spreading fear and terror. Every time a white person thinks your behavior is unfair or wrong, tell them that they should stop being so sensitive! We live in a post-reverse-racial society now! Jeez.
- via Black Girl Dangerous
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What an odd and ill thought out piece. I understand that this is the internet, but some simple general knowledge about history would be good. The carthaginians, Persians, ottomans, Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans all had huge amount of slaves. The Spartans had three times as many slaves as free people in their country. Slavery is a far bigger thing than just white and black, it dates back to our oldest civilisations. 400 years is just a footnote in the 6,000 years that slavery is known to have existed.
Furthermore, I really don’t understand this American fad of redefining racism. It’s very simple, if you believe the attributes of one race make it superior, or worse, than another race, then that is racism. Political power has nothing to do with it. If a Japanese guy goes to Spain and starts hurling racially motivated insults at the locals, then he is a racist, not just prejudiced.
Wow, what a wonderful collection of logical category mistakes. For someone accusing the above and humorous piece of being “ill thought out” you really have an ill thought out conception of history. First of all, the instances of slavery you cited are historically different from the institution of modern slavery that happened during the period of mercantile capitalism. This is because the modern concept of “race” which emerged after 1492 did not exist; people in these societies were no enslaved because they were deemed an inferior race, similar to animals, but because they lost battles or were just a lower caste of the same society. Not that these were good things, of course, but they were not at all similar to modern slavery and racism the effects of which persist today.
Secondly, this has nothing to do with an American fad of “redefining racism”. In fact, you will find that this definition of racism is a materialist definition that was theorized initially outside of America––in France by Frantz Fanon, for example. Indeed, American understandings of race and racism have by-and-large been pretty simplistic liberal notions such as your own and, in the American liberal discourse, your ahistorical understanding of these concepts is “common sense.” In fact the arguments you made are American mainstream arguments and, really, the British academic tradition of critical theory is actually more in line with the position you’re rejecting.
All of this is to say that what you’ve described as “racism” is pretty much little more than what Samir Amin has called “a banal ethnocentrism”. None of this is to say you’ll really accept these concepts because liberals pretty much think their ideas of things, all of which are pretty orthodox pop-culture understandings that do not even do the minimum of historical and critical research in the area, are right even though they’ve never done the research. So even if this piece wasn’t satire, and was actually filled with many logical and fully historical analyses of race and racism and slavery, you still would say the same thing.
it’s something when I hear white people use a whole lot of unadulterated bullshit, like trying to utilize some unimportant fucked up minutiae to distinguish the American form of slavery and/or racism to make their points. To hear them tell it, we brought ourselves over here on boats and enslaved ourselves. Black people excorcised themselves from the American Dream and utilized Jim Crow laws to disenfranchise themselves. I get so tired of this shit.
As far as the dynamics of Racism, I’m pretty sure white folks got the Racism thing locked down. black people can be prejudiced and bigoted, but Racism functions on a level beyond me not liking your bony white ass, it operates on the whole dynamic of having an underclass who are positioned there so they can effectively exploit them for economic priveleges and creating a caste system.
haha, really funny article! just have to say: lederhosen is a german thing an berets originally french. but now to the important part:
i totally agree – the enslavement of black people is not comparable to the enslavement of other groups in world history. and structural racism and hierarchies are way different and much more destructive than an individual view or opinion. yes sure, it can be hurtful to hear from someone that they have this negative opinion of me because i’m white (just like prejudices towards anyone about anything is hurtful), but we are the ones with the privileges and benefitting from this racist structure, so we can’t really call ourselves opressed, in fact we with the privileges have the responsibility to change things and put an end to all the crap or colonizing forefathers created.